Sleep Apnoea: Finding a Path Forward

Sleep apnoea affects far more people than most realise. Not only does it rob the person experiencing it of rest, health, and vitality—it can create deep ripple effects across partnerships, families, and daily life.

If you’ve been wondering whether sleep apnoea might be affecting you or someone you love, you’re not alone… and there is hope.

The first step is understanding what’s really happening—then taking compassionate, informed action.

What Is Sleep Apnoea?

Sleep apnoea is a disorder where breathing becomes shallow or stops temporarily during sleep. These breathing interruptions can happen dozens—even hundreds—of times a night, often without the sleeper realising it. Each time, the body is jolted out of deep, restorative rest.

Because of this broken sleep, people often wake up feeling exhausted—even after what seemed like a full night in bed. Over time, this pattern can wear down brain health, cardiovascular function, emotional stability, immune strength, and overall vitality.

It’s not “just tiredness.”
It’s a full-body stress response, repeating over and over through the night.

If left untreated, sleep apnoea can lead to:

• Cognitive issues (poor concentration, memory lapses)
• Cardiovascular strain (high blood pressure, heart disease)
• Metabolic disruption (weight gain, insulin resistance)
• Emotional instability (irritability, anxiety, depression)
• Profound exhaustion that seeps into every part of life

The Three Main Types

• Obstructive Sleep Apnoea (OSA): Caused by physical blockages in the airway—such as relaxed throat muscles, a recessed jaw, enlarged tonsils, or excess weight in the neck.
  → OSA is the most common type, affecting an estimated 15% of adults (with studies ranging from 10–30%).
• Central Sleep Apnoea (CSA): Caused by a neurological issue where the brain fails to send proper signals to the breathing muscles.
  → CSA is much less common, affecting under 1% of the general population.
• Mixed Sleep Apnoea: A combination of OSA and CSA, often starting as obstructive but developing central features over time.

Despite how common OSA is, many people remain undiagnosed—struggling silently, assuming their tiredness is normal, or something they just have to push through.

 

What If It’s Not Full Apnoea?

Not everyone struggling with energy, focus, or exhaustion meets the diagnostic threshold for sleep apnoea. But that doesn’t mean their experience isn’t real or serious.

In many cases, a condition called Upper Airway Resistance Syndrome (UARS) is at play.

UARS is a milder, often overlooked form of sleep-disordered breathing. It disrupts sleep without the classic breathing pauses seen in apnoea.

Instead, the airway narrows enough to cause resistance—leading to increased breathing effort and frequent micro-arousals that pull you out of deep sleep (without waking you fully).

This is especially common in people who breathe through their mouth at night, have a small jaw, narrow palate, or chronic nasal congestion.

Symptoms of UARS or mild airway resistance can include:

• Waking up tired despite 7–8 hours in bed
• Frequent waking during the night (sometimes without knowing why)
• Feeling wired but tired during the day
• Brain fog, mood swings, or anxiety
• Snoring, even if it seems “light”

Mouth breathing at night can further collapse the airway and disrupt oxygen flow. Over time, this constant micro-disruption leads to real sleep debt—affecting your energy, hormones, emotional resilience, and immune function.

 

UARS vs. Apnoea: What’s the Difference?

 

• Sleep apnoea: Breathing pauses lasting 10+ seconds, often with oxygen drops
• UARS: Breathing effort increases, with frequent tiny wake-ups (but no full pauses)
• Both can severely disrupt sleep—but UARS is often missed, especially in women and lighter-bodied individuals

If this sounds like you, know that there is help—and your symptoms are valid, even if your test results come back “normal.”

 

Common Symptoms of Sleep Apnoea (and UARS)

• Loud, persistent snoring
• Gasping, choking, or stopping breathing during sleep (often noticed by a partner)
• Morning headaches
• Dry mouth upon waking
• Frequent nighttime waking or needing to urinate
• Daytime sleepiness, even after “enough” hours in bed
• Difficulty concentrating or remembering things
• Mood changes (anxiety, depression, irritability)

 

The Deep Human Impact

When your body is repeatedly starved of deep rest and oxygen, you’re not just tired.

You’re surviving.

This ongoing stress impacts:

• Healing and immunity
• Emotional regulation (leading to shutdown or overwhelm)
• Cognitive clarity (making it harder to get help or stick with treatment)

For many, it can feel like trying to swim upstream through fog—always pushing, never arriving.

Compassion matters.
They’re not lazy. They’re not weak.
They’re living with an invisible load, night after night.

 

The Ripple Effect: How It Affects Partners

Sleep apnoea disrupts both hearts in the room.

The partner may experience:

• Sleep deprivation from the noise and movement
• Anxiety listening to gasping or choking
• Irritability or resentment
• Burnout from carrying the invisible emotional load

Meanwhile, the person with apnoea may be too depleted to act. They want to fix it, but they’re running on empty.

This can strain communication, intimacy, emotional connection, and shared patience.

Healing begins with honest, compassionate understanding and support for both people.

Getting Diagnosed

If you decide to seek professional testing, look for:

• Accredited sleep clinics (search via Sleep Health Foundation or AASM)
• Home sleep test options (gentler starting point for suspected OSA)
• Clinicians who explore UARS, not just apnoea

Search terms like:
“Sleep specialist near me” or “UARS-aware sleep clinic [your city]”